from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
