I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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