my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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