absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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