Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
