Swine flu. Run for my life!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
