and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
