proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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