first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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