I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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