you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
