He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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