I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
