Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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