butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
