I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize