i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
