"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
