I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
