In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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