why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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