i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
