i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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