i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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