You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
