Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
