Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
