just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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