Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
