Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
