also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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