I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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