Your tits are I can't wait for
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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