now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i think my mom watched the whole time
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize