$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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