Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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