You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
