Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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