he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
