i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
