these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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