Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
