I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
