My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
