He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
