Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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