I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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