Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
