you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
