i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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