Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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