Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
