then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
