man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
