He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
