i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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