i would punch a child for taco bell
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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