Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
