woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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