Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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