Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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