Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Let's get the cat blown out
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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