Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
