You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think i got beer on your cat.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
