At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
