You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize