well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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