i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
