my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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