First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
