Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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