You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
