i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
are you so shy because you have an std?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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