Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
