well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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