Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
