just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
