My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
