I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We got so high we made milksteak
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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