My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
