So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
