He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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