I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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