so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
