I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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