There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
