i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
