Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
