the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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