i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
