So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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