Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
