i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
