i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
