I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
