The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
A+ Viking dick
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
