literally had 100 drinks last night.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
