hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
