that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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