What a fucking waste of an outfit
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize