i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
