My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
