if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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