Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
